weird how it took over 23 years for my family to care that im obviously autistic (ive been saying that i think i might be for over a decade) and encourage me to seek out help and a proper diagnosis but better late than never i guess. this seems to be a common experience for autistic women/girls so im not too shocked. honestly, i just thought they would just ignore it forever.
im gonna play christmas NiGHTS demo soon, as is tradition :>
my life is boring lately but atleast im going outside some
i dont know why but im embarassed that i like black metal (probably the connotations from the annoying/insane fanbase)
i live with a hoarder and its the most miserable thing ever, i cant wait until i can move out. atleast my room is pretty clean, ive never liked owning a lot of things.
i made a new oc and she fits with emmet really well.
struggling to eat lately...
drew this for a birthday gift (click to view highres). lineart is hard :\ i think i can improve on it though.
AWL is a pretty interesting game. theres three versions (wait no. theres four actually if you count the remake) and im kinda tempted to play the girl version after i finish this one... but idk if ill finish it in the first place because it takes soooo many years to finish the game. apparently the girl version is a lot shorter so i could maybe finish that one? ...for a farming game fan, i sure find it hard to play longer than one or two in-game years lmao. it just gets so repetitive.
registered classes for my last semester of my associates. feels weird.
its a low energy day. :T
im thinking on lenore the little dead girl. this character was so comforting for me as a kid. as a young girl the most common word i got called was "creepy" or "weird", so i grew up identifying a lot with the "creepy little girl" trope that was popular back then... i didnt even try to be creepy. thats just how i was, i guess. i probably still am creepy to a lot of people.
i really liked "making fiends" and "mighty B" which was on TV back then for the same reasons. do little girls now even have weird girl representation anymore? thats kinda sad to think about.
id like to implement an RSS feed but i dont understand how it works.
im finally starting to feel better today. i had a really nice day spent with my grandma. i helped her decorate, put stuff on ebay and then we had some beef stew, which was really tasty.
also i finished the design of the site mascot/my persona character a few days ago =v= im really happy with this design, its incredibly self indulgent. there might be small details changed but the base design is done. OH also she has a rabbit plushie companion who i need to draw but i posted him on an earlier miniblog post so you can see the design there. my hair is on the darker side irl but i like the white hair here. maybe ill just have a dark hair and a white hair version? why not!! my character my rules >:)
like i mentioned, i was able to finish some pixel art for the site so now we have a header finally... im happy with it!
on my way home from my grandmas i got a big bag of chocorooms which are really good! very similar to pocky or those panda choco crackers. even my family liked them. i like how you can hold them by the stems... very cute
im gonna play some of the gamecube harvest moon game now. ive never played this game because i hate playing as a guy (and the bachelors in the girl version are..,. ugly to say the least!) but ill give it a chance. ..god, i really love the realistic low resolution textures on gamecube games! lets have a comfy november night. ( ´∀｀)
its that time of the month where i feel like im decomposing from the inside out.
a few months ago i went to an obgyn and had tests done, they went fine but they didnt discover anything that would be the cause of my physical pain and mental anguish. the doctor said i very likely have PMDD, which basically causes severe mental illness around the time before the menstural cycle. upon further research (thanks google) i have all the symptoms and also found out this condition also has an extremely high comorbidity with female autistics, so i guess its pretty much confirmed. i dont know if she actually formally diagnosed me or not.
the only options are birth control (no thanks) and medicine which i was on previously for unrelated reasons and didnt help back then either... so yeah, the situation feels completely hopeless. im just incapacitated for 4-6 business days every month and nothing can be done about it.
the state of women's healthcare depresses me greatly, if this entry sounds lifeless thats because thats how i feel.
what hurts the most is that i act ugly to my loved ones due to the unbearable irritability i suffer from this condition. i lose grip on reality and think everybody is out to hurt me, nobody loves me and every good thing in my life is a lie.
....i took a break from writing this. okay, im continuing writing this a few hours later now that ive calmed down a bit...
its really hard for me to do anything like this. it sucks. but thankfully i have all of my academic responsibilities taken care of for now so i can just relax and try to treat myself kindly. i added a bunch of video games i like to my about page which worked as a decent distraction. ....i feel like i still missed a lot but!! its pretty comprehensive still. i kinda forget how many games ive played in my life (not THAT many but quite a lot). my idea is that i should just treat myself like im sick when i have these PMDD episodes, as if i have the flu. try to be gentle with myself. tomorrow, i hope i to make some pixel art graphics for the homepage.. if i can do that, ill be satisfied.
i wish i had a more consistent artstyle. i feel like everything i draw looks like it was done by a different person.
i just like experimenting with new ideas and styles all the time
if theres anything im "best at" when it comes to art, id say it would be mimicking other art styles
"Dear Die-ary, there's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favorite shirt. I can't say I'm very pleased with where my life is just now... but I can't help but look forward to where it's going."
Best pokemon routes music top 3... in my imo
the second one is especially fitting rn with this cold winter weather... =v=
havent really cared about MLP:FIM since about 2013 or so but TIL there was a pony named marble, so this is me if i was pony..? i guess!
alsooo. working on babby's first shrine rn. lookin pretty good so far if i do say so myself!
i hope i can do some art/graphics for the site soon but tbh im not very creatively inspired atm
...but also i feel kinda cringe using somebody elses art- especially as the header, so i really need to get off my asssss -_-
made a chart of all my favorite pokemon guys
i was really conflicted on whether or not to include thorton or clemont, and even now i dont know which i prefer... :<
also, as a lysandre lover ive been loving the huge increase of fanart since Z-A ...but i have to admit, he's a total nothing character. his writing is goofy and boring and he just exists as eyecandy to me lmao. i know nobody has high expectations for pokemon game's writing but his whole... everything is exceptionally dumb.
maybe ill make one of these for the female characters i like too?